"Don't Major in Physics"
Words by Tom Lehrer
copyright (c) 1951
Tune: "The Trouble with Women", from "One Touch of Venus" by Kurt Weill

These lyrics are posted here with permission from Tom Lehrer. You are encouraged to download them for your own use, and to notify others of the URL (web address) for this page, or the more general URL of this site. You may not post the lyrics elsewhere on the internet, nor sell copies. All other rights are reserved.

Because the original tune is under copyright, we are not posting the recording here. However, you can get a good sense of how the song works by starting this video of the original, and then following along with the lyrics below (starting with "Song begins with 1st student").

Introductory dialog

(spoken by Lew Branscomb):
This is all very interesting, and I'd like to sing some more,
But this is a class in physics,
And it's what they used to pay me for.

(spoken by David Robinson):
But let me say just one more thing
Which really should be said,
Namely, any girl who chooses physics,
Must have rocks inside her head.

Song begins with 1st Student (sung by Branscomb):
Oh, I once loved a sweet Physics student,
The loveliest girl one could find,
But I tried to get close and I cudent,
For I found that she wasn't that kind.
More often a king weds a commoner
Than a physicist makes a housewife,
For they only are versed in phenomener
Which have nothing to do with real life.

Chorus (sung by Lehrer, Branscomb, and Robinson):
So don't ever major in physics,
Try History, English, or Gov,
For you may learn a lot about science,
But you won't learn a thing about love. 

2nd Student (sung by Robinson):
Oh, I too loved a young Physics major
She was pretty and healthy and pure,
But I wouldn't take one now on a wager,
For they all are like her, I am sure.
Oh, she didn't like couches or hammocks
Or walks in the moonlight for two,
All she thought of was thermodynamocks
So what, tell me what, could I do?

(Repeat Chorus)

3rd Student (sung by Lehrer):
Now I have the opposite status:
I like physics but my girl does not,
I tried showing her my apparatus,
But a blank smile was all that I got.
She asked me why I was in Physics,
And advised me to transfer to Ec,
And whenever I tried to talk Physics
All she wanted to do was to neck.

(Repeat Chorus)

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Background image: covers from some of Tom Lehrer's albums